A Fear of Uselessness

Nothing scares me more than an inability to change a situation, or contribute to the solution. It's that feeling when you see a loved one suffering from sickness, unhappiness, or just life in general - and phrases like "It'll be okay" and "It happened for a reason" fall flat on the floor. Compassion drives us to want to take on others' hurts and pains and internalize it because it's better than watching someone suffer.

Then come atrocities like yesterday's in Sparks (close to my hometown). A school shooting. And it's hard to feel anything but useless as we ask ourselves why.

There is a way to make a difference. There is something that we can do about it.

If you read my blog "A Powerful Secret" you have seen into the window of my life that was plagued by mental illness of a family member - and that was just the introduction.

While that series will be continued here, the point of it was that I was ashamed to talk about it. I was ashamed of myself, my situation, my feelings.

And I was alone.

Mental illness is a taboo in our society because we value strength - and we define strength by the ability to get through things alone.

On top of my shame, I felt like I couldn't tell anyone because I needed to prove that I was strong enough to do it alone.

Here's a secret: Strength is not gauged by your ability to internalize. Strength is humility. Strength is asking for help. Strength is community.

How do we make Mental Illness a front runner? How do we make it less of a taboo? How do we help those in need support before they break?

I've started. I've started because I'm sharing my story, my experience, my turmoil with mental illness. It's not a pretty story, but it's a start.

I'm done being useless. I don't know where to go, but I'm going somewhere.

I'm asking for help. I'm asking you, yes, you, to help me. I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a counselor. But I am a facilitator. A passionate, driven, forceful facilitator.

I need doctors. I need counselors. I need community members who want to make something good from this tragedy. I need a plan. And it starts with you.