Priorities

Just a few months ago, I underwent one of the most stressful experiences of my life:  defining my priorities. This isn't the day-to-day priorities. It isn't the laundry first, dishes later priorities. It was my life's priorities and how my choices were going to reflect, or impact, those priorities.

I'll be honest, for a long time my priorities went undefined. I could balance my life pretty well that this "checklist, honest to goodness, note card, life changing" definition of priorities hadn't been necessary. I knew family was important, I knew self fulfillment was important, I knew my job was important. But I didn't know how they ranked next to one another - and what that meant for my future. 

Those of you who know me know that I've been building a resume since the tender grade of 8. I went to a fair at Pine Middle School to look at classes coming down the pipeline for my first high school experience -and that's when I came across JROTC (Junior Reserve Officer Training Corp). And while a great motivator for ultimately selecting this program was that I hated PE, an even greater one was my resume. 

Four and a half years later I was presenting to an active duty General, me second in command for JROTC at my high school. I got asked the question, "Why did you do JROTC?" and my response was "Because it looks better on a resume than PE." Now, I received a lot of fulfillment from this program - public speaking, leadership, and confidence to name a few. But I have always been thinking of the future for myself professionally. 

And then life happened, and shit, was I in trouble. 

For those of you who don't know, Tay (my daughter) was a ... surprise. And thankfully, my life happened to work out again - primarily because I had this amazing support system through my family, my work, and my coworkers. So I avoided the "priorities" discussion because I maintained. 

Then I had the opportunity of a life time. I got called to interview at a large company in the bay area after they had seen me present. And Lindsey, the go-getter, the resume builder, couldn't turn down the experience to at least try for the position. 

I'll let you in on a secret - I kept secretly hoping that they wouldn't pick me. Seriously. I didn't want to face the discussion of priorities that would face me if I got the job. How cowardly is that? 

Because if you have been maintaining for a while, let me tell you, this discussion was the hardest six weeks of discussions. I sought out advice, I wrote, I asked my family, I thought. For once it seemed my priorities would come out in the open, that I couldn't maintain, because they would directly conflict one another. 

So here I am - professional, hard worker, go getter, A-game...mommy, wife, family member. And yes, these items can directly contradict each other. 

I thought I was balancing it well - because I was a professional. I spoke at conferences, I presented to clients. I made an impact. And I did it from home. I got to be there for Taylor - for my husband, for my family. I could take time off to help a sick friend. But this new job required a move, one that would take me outside of my sphere of influence and comfort. 

So I had to decide - would moving, including almost a 2 hour daily commute, a long work week, and family only on vacation and holidays, be enough to fulfill the priority of family? 

And would not choosing this new position leave me so unfulfilled that I would be depressed? I have known for a long time about myself that I am happy working, that I am fulfilled, that I am more at peace when I am accessing my professional side. So, by not choosing this position, was I leaving a portion of myself untapped? 

And then I was offered the job. Life. Decisions. 

I decided on family. 

No, it wasn't this easy discussion where I came to this after a good night's sleep and morning cup of coffee. It was six grueling weeks of defining what actually gave me happiness. 

And do you know what it was? 

It was the little things. 

Seriously. Not to be cliche - because I know that is the name of my blog. But it was the little things.  Every minute, every picture I see, every random time that I see Taylor with her Grandmas, grandpas, cousins, and father, I know I made the right decision. Every time I need an extra hand (which is a lot), any time I need support, I need care and love, I know I made the right decision. 

But I'm still a working mom - because I am still, at heart, a go getter, resume maker, professional kind of girl. And I want Taylor to know that she can access every portion of herself to find her sense of fulfillment. During those six weeks of discussions, I found that the main reason I received professional fulfillment was the ability to have an impact. I wanted to know that I was valued, that I was changing the work, that what I did mattered to those around me. 

At the end of my life, I won't want to be remembered for that last minute branding change. I don't know that I even need to be remembered. I just want to fill my life with as much of love as I possibly can so I can value the ride. 

A New Adventure

I'll be the first to admit it: I like to be comfortable. I like routine, I love knowing where I stand with people, and how I can contribute. I like the sporadic, but it's almost a planned sporadic. A "you know, we haven't done anything crazy lately, let's pencil that in" kind of sporadic.

I've been with Bernard Hodes Group for about three years now (I'm rounding a little...). And I can truly say that this experience has been the best in my professional career. Some of you might raise an eyebrow at that. I'm young, how much professional experience could I possibly have? Well, let me tell you mister - I've been working since the ripe age of 14, and up until Hodes, I had identified many things that I did not want to do.

And then I found Hodes. Or rather, it found me. And then I met Shannon and Lori, Chris and Jenna, Jim and David, Carlene...and so many others. I started at Hodes as a Social Media Analyst (whatever that is) and I began my first true professional step to my career.

Sob.

They say that parents raise their kids so they can spread their wings - and a true mentor, boss, and team is no different from a family. Shannon - I can truly say that you are the manager I hope to be in the future. The inspiring strong woman who leads in her industry, who inspired me to be more, reach higher, and achieve my aspirations.

Lori - my partner in crime, my pseudo mom, and continuous source of inspiration (and book share). Chris - my football fantasy contributor, real life talk time, and great distraction.

My team at Hodes gave me exposure to so many firsts. My first speech at a national conference (and second, and third, and fourth...)My first virtual team experience, my first webinar, my first published article... It taught me to be confident, that saying "no" is sometimes the right answer.

And so it is bittersweet that I now say goodbye. And I mean goodbye in the "answering crap tons of emails, going through a rocky acquisition, and amazing client work, day to day, and experience". But it is not goodbye to the friends and companions I've made along the way.

Cheers Hodes - you were a good one for me.